The Sneaky Power of Assumptions: How Our Minds Fill in the Blanks
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to jump to conclusions without even realizing it?
That’s the power of assumptions at work.
An assumption is something we accept as true without having complete proof. Our brains are designed to fill in missing information quickly—often faster than we even notice. Sometimes it saves time. But other times? It can cause misunderstandings, confusion, and even conflict.
I like to compare assumptions to the blind spot we have in each of our eyes.
There’s actually a tiny spot on the retina where the optic nerve connects, and no light information is collected there. But we don't walk around seeing a black hole in our vision—our brain fills in the missing spot based on the surrounding details so we think we see a full picture.
In communication, the same thing happens.
We never have all the information about someone else's feelings, intentions, or experiences. So our brain "fills in" the missing pieces with guesses based on:
Our past experiences
Our personalities
Our fears
Our expectations
Our cultural background
The thing is, our brain's guesses aren’t always accurate.
A Funny Example: Bigfoot on a Train?
Recently, my daughter, who has a bit of a fascination with Bigfoot, told me about a video she had seen. She said, “Mom! People saw Bigfoot on a train in Durango!”
Immediately, my mind painted a hilarious picture—Bigfoot casually riding a train, maybe even holding a little suitcase.
But when she showed me the video later, the real story was very different:
The train was traveling through the wilderness, and passengers spotted what they believed was Bigfoot off in the distance near the trees.
Not Bigfoot riding Amtrak after all.
This is a lighthearted example of how quickly and vividly our mind can fill in details that aren't really there.
A More Serious Example: When Assumptions Cause Problems
A few years ago, a friend of mine assumed I was upset with her because I hadn't answered her text right away. Instead of asking, she began pulling away. I, on the other hand, was dealing with a family emergency and hadn't even seen the message.
By the time we finally talked about it, there were hurt feelings on both sides—all because of an assumption that filled in a blank space with the wrong story.
Recognizing That We ALL Make Assumptions
Making assumptions isn’t a flaw. It’s simply how our brain works. But learning to spot when we are making an assumption—and checking it instead of believing it automatically—can change the quality of our relationships, our self-talk, and even our confidence.
Some levels of assumptions include:
Minor (harmless) assumptions: Like assuming someone will bring a dish to a potluck.
Moderate assumptions: Assuming someone's tone or silence means something negative.
Major assumptions: Assuming someone's entire character or intentions based on limited interactions.
The bigger the assumption, the bigger the potential consequences if we're wrong.
How to Handle It When Others Assume Things About Us
It can be frustrating when someone makes an assumption about us. If that happens:
Stay calm.
Clarify kindly if needed: “Actually, that’s not the case. Let me explain...”
Remember it’s human nature. Most of the time, it’s not about us personally—it’s about how their brain filled in missing pieces.
Don’t take it to heart. Their assumption says more about their perspective than it does about your reality.
A Simple Daily Practice: Spotting Our Own Assumptions
Here's a quiet, reflective activity you can do to strengthen your awareness:
🌿 Find a calm space. Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
🌿 Take a few deep breaths, clearing your mind.
🌿 Gently ask yourself:
What assumptions am I making right now?
Is there important information I'm missing?
Am I guessing at someone else’s intentions?
Am I assuming something about myself that's not fully true?
🌿 You can do this daily or a couple of times a day—even just a few minutes at a time.
Over time, it will become a habit to recognize where you are filling in the blanks with guesses, instead of facts.
Final Thoughts
Assumptions are normal. They're automatic.
But when we learn to spot them, question them kindly, and communicate more clearly, we open the door to deeper understanding—with ourselves and with others.
Sometimes it’s a harmless mix-up (like Bigfoot on a train).
Other times, it’s the key to avoiding hurt feelings, broken trust, or missed connections.
Learning to catch assumptions early is a small skill with a powerful ripple effect.
And it all starts with paying attention to the blank spaces our minds so cleverly try to fill in.
